It's Not the Gift That Counts...

...it's the thought behind it.
(Alternative title: What I Did Not Get for Christmas)

I did not get a visit from Mike Holmes, the "Make It Right' demi-god...
so a high-powered space heater still runs throughout the night, pointed directly at the john, to ensure my seating comfort in the dark.  
Trust me when I tell you, this qualifies as bare survival rather than the merest indulgence. 
Haha, 'bare' survival, Haha.

I did not get a house elf...
so the decorations are still up 3 days into the new year, the front window is covered with shepherd bitch nose prints (again), and that damned banana bread is not going to make itself. 


I did not get the slimband...
which is a good thing, because I'm wasting away here people. Okay, so 'wasting away' might be a bit of a stretch - but even the mention of such a contraption in this neck of the woods could get me jumped in a back alley, so a gal has to be careful of wishing. 
In fact, to avoid being 'blooded out' by the voluptuous gang, & to make all the other 35+ moms out there feel in good company, I put on another 7 pounds over the holidays. 
My gift to you. 
You are welcome.  
Remember, it's the thought that counts.