A Snippet of Groceryworld

Dear Fisherman,
I do understand how much you must love your sport, & how manly it must make you feel as you rip your blade through those soft white bellies, spraying your coat with blood and guts! No doubt you will feel great pride as you later bless your entire family with the bounty of your task.
In the meantime though, we here at Groceryworld would greatly appreciate it if you would change your coat before coming in to clear the shelves of potato chips and near-beer. You fucking reek to hell, man.
Just saying.


Dear Hoarder,
I really couldn't care less about the 5' high piles of newspaper in your yard that you describe alternately as 'an art installation' or 'a fence'. I have no problem with your house that has been declared a fire hazard countless times, or your garage which was actually condemned 3 years ago already and yet is still standing, spools of chain, assorted broken lawn implements, and (inexplicably) a round bale of straw spilling out from it's broken door. 
But lady, can you not keep one single change of clothes in a ziplock bag to change into prior to boarding the shuttle to Groceryworld? 
Why is it, do you think, that the driver refuses to close the door of the shuttle bus, even when it is -35 degrees? 
It's because the other elderly & enfeebled who ride the shuttle cannot bear to be sealed inside with you and your smell of a thousand cats peeing. On you. 
You can't even smell it, can you? 
OMG, everyone else CAN.
Trust me. 


Dear Basket Carrying Shopper,
The baskets are provided for your convenience while shopping. Proper etiquette dictates that you empty your items from the basket out onto the belt when you arrive at the check out. 
It may amuse you to just plop the basket down on the moving belt and watch it slam into the edge of the computer screen as I am finishing up with the customer ahead of you in line, but then, you are a complete cheesefuck. You deserve it when other checkers squash your bread on purpose; luckily for you, I am above that petty shit. 
I also believe it is likely that karma will shove it's fat dick down your throat sooner or later - I hope I get wind of it when it happens.
No one here likes you. 

Dear Parent of screaming child,
There is no need to be embarrassed, many of us here at Groceryworld are also parents - we understand. Whenever you visit us, to appease your child as you shop, please stop by the bakery where our cheerful staff will provide a mittful of cookies for your little darling to stuff into his face. 
He may end up a porker, but at least he'll be a quiet one.

Dear Insane Shopper,
No ma'am I don't need to know the reasoning behind your demand that each item be bagged separately; I am happy to bag your groceries how you prefer it done. Listening to your kind of crazy, however, is above my pay grade.
Have a nice afternoon.