But anyways.... so, it turns out that there is a lot more that can go wrong when making cheesecake than I ever dreamed; that is the gist of today's half-lucid ramblings.
If you choose to keep reading after me saying that straight out, then don't blame me for losing these few minutes of your life that may have been better spent tunnelling for lint in the depths of your navel.
First lesson learned: boxed Oreo cookie crumbs can go rancid. Who knew? Just a tip - if it smells rancid, go with your gut. Whatever you do, do not taste a pinch just to make sure. Or your gut may just stage a revolt and you could end up dry heaving into your kitchen sink.
Second lesson: just because your brother-in-law's girlfriend makes a cheesecake to die for, does not mean that you can "out-do her any day". Seriously, don't think you can top her shit the first time you try, even if you do want to smash her smug, red-headed face in with a mix master.
That is some good advice. But if you do smash her smug face, can you film it?
ReplyDeleteSince high school I have always wanted to watch a red head get the shit slapped outta her since a red head broke my heart my freshman year.
Ok the fact that you did it from scratch has me bowing to your bravery. I just get the box mixes , cause I ain't even gonna try all that something will go wrong sure as the world
ReplyDeleteThe dangly bits, obviously. Oh, was I supposed to read the post as well as the title? Oops.
ReplyDeleteStep 1- get in the car and go to cheesecake factory. Step 2- purchase the best shit they have ever made. Step 3- Take it home and put your own toppings or whatever on it, and then remove all traces of them by putting it on your pie plate/cake server, kitty litter box or whatever. then just drop it off saying, OH NO WE ARE STUFFED. I whipped up 3 today and since this was extra i thought you guys would like it?
ReplyDeleteI am the world's worst baker and Jeremiah's sister in law is the world's best. I can just see everyone comparing our birthday cakes at every party. Wince!
ReplyDeleteAnd the oreo thing is good to know, I would have never ever thought that could happen.
What a coincidence! I was just sitting her tunneling in my navel looking for a piece of lent that would look like the Virgin Mary when it hit me how a piece of cheese cake would taste good right now. And when did you buy the Oreo’s…1955? I thought they had a shelf like of a Fruit Cake.
ReplyDeleteTrash: Don't think so. If I smack a bitch down, I do it in a basement or something, with no one else around and when I can create a really solid alibi.
ReplyDeleteI'm too pretty for jail dude.
SWAngel: WTF? That shit comes in a box? I knew that red-head was shady, I KNEW it!
Smitty: Hey buddy, meet me in your basement at 11, eh?
Peachy: See, I like the way you think.
Erin: Yeah, hence the tasting, then the retching.
Coffeypot: I think the actual cookie might be that well preserved, but the pre-smashed crumbs - no so much. Apparently.
Oil Field Trash, as the leader of the Readheaded Anti Defamation League, I would like to offer you your wish for a small paypal fee.
ReplyDeleteyum. cheesecake. now i'm hungry
ReplyDeletexoxoxo
oh my god...would you LOOK at how much lint is coming out of my belly button? that's disgusting.
ReplyDeletejust kidding.
i can actually see you saying the words "out-do her any day". haha! and how much do you wanna bet she snuck into your kitchen and messed with your cookie crumbs? i wouldn't put it past her, knowing her as well as i do.
If you ever want to take another try at beating her without actually BEATING her, I have an awesome and easy recipe.
ReplyDeleteI am cheesecake-retarded, and even I can make it.
Two Words: Springform Pan.
ReplyDeleteGranted this will not help you with the rancid oreo thing but my advice is generally useless to begin with.
I love to cook, but am not above buying and putting a pre-made one on my dish .......... don't mind taking credit, either. Why not make fruitcake instead. Who will know if it is good??
ReplyDelete"BwAh ha ha you go girlfriend, I love reading what your thinking. It's been much too long...for the record, I even tried baking a box cheesecake and tossed it out..after I realised I didnt have to "cook it."
ReplyDeleteDamn, how long did you have that box of Oreo cookie crumbs?! Might wanna clean out the pantry...slacker!
ReplyDelete=)
I'm with Chunky Mama, I have an ooober easy sooper deelish recipe!
ReplyDeleteThis was much more valuable than digging for lint. And I did both at the same time, very doable.
ReplyDeleteAnywho, I sent a little love to you yesterday in Robworld.
Yep, there is no one I would rather go on a three hour tour with, a three hour tour.
I wonder if that Gilligan's Island reference is too obscure